Tricks of the trade
from the 'Depths of Hell'

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MADHUSMITA BORA
Courier Staff Writer

DES MOINES -- Making laws is serious business. The lawmakers know that, and so does the press corps covering the proceedings.

The four months the Legislature works every year are the most hectic and emotionally draining experience one can ever imagine for any reporter. Late night debates, understanding intricate arguments and meeting deadlines sap one's energy.

From the senior reporters, I have learned tricks to survive this grilling experience. The trick is to look out for the occasional humor, colorful speeches, the gaffes of our lawmakers and the comic situations we sometimes get into.

Listed below are a few instances that helped me survive last week. "Depths of Hell" is how Mike Glover from the Associated Press described the night the House debated the power-siting bill. He should know. He has been reporting on the Legislature since 1981.

The issue was too technical, and to top it , the Democrats filibustered the bill with more than 35 amendments. By 9 p.m. the bill was taking its toll on the press bench.

However, there was just one silver lining. As most representatives dealt with the technical mumbo-jumbo, Rep. Bill Dotzler, D-Waterloo, got up and gave us his take on the issue.

"This is like a Trojan horse," he said.

But, in an effort to be more creative, Dotzler flirted with different analogies. From a Trojan horse, the measure became a duck.

"It talks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck," Dotzler said.

It did not end there.

"It's like a snake!" the legislator exclaimed. "It's like a slithering, sneaky snake that will come around and bite Iowa consumers."

By then, it wasn't just the press bench that was in hysterics. The legislator cracked up at his own joke and failed to regain composure to continue a serious debate.

After a lot of speculation Gov. Tom Vilsack finally submitted his revised budget for 2002 last week.

He proposed a 6 percent across-the-board spending cut and layoffs of about 600 government employees, the highest in about a decade.

With this grim picture, the GOP leaders are racing against time to come up with their own numbers. In the Senate, the Minority Leader Mike Gronstal, D-Council Bluffs, asked the Majority Leader Stewart Iverson, R-Dows, about the status of the Republican proposal. Just then the tornado alarm went off.

The alarm is part of the tornado drill the Legislature goes through every spring. But for many of us, its timing seemed to come as a harbinger of what is to follow the next few weeks in the budget discussions.

Lawmakers often try to be creative to get their colleagues' attention in the chamber. Sen. Mike Sexton, R-Rockwell City, went a step further to make his point. Leading the debate on the cattle feed-lot runoff bill, the senator proudly displayed a jar of liquid manure on his desk. He definitely got his message across and the bill passed. To everyone's relief the jar disappeared soon after.

What an ingenious way of holding the Senate ransom!

Lawmakers often put their feet in their mouths when they try to emphasize a point without realizing that everything goes on record unless they specify it before.

Sen. Steve King, R-Kiron, learned a lesson a little too late. While discussing budget problems, King told Kate Thompson, a reporter with the Sioux City Journal, that they should cut down on prison costs.

Kate asked whether that was possible with the growing prison population.

King said there is a way out, if they implement what he called the "Indiana rule" which was suggested to him by two people from Indiana who had visited his office. He said they should line up the prisoners every Monday morning and mow them down.

A little later he told Kate it was off the record, but the cat was already out of the bag by then.

The House Judiciary Committee last week shepherded legislation -- to the great discomfort of most lawmakers -- that made bestiality a crime.

Lawmakers said an incident in Waterloo where a man was found with a sheep was what prompted legislative action. It was a very quiet affair, with no discussions.

However, there were a few snickers in the room from the reporters. Kay Henderson, the Capitol reporter for Iowa Radio snorted out loud when she saw the note sent out by Kathie Obradovich from the Quad City Times.

"The voice vote was rather sheepish," the note said.

Madhusmita Bora is the Courier's political writer.